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[tdf-discuss] Re: Rules of Procedure approved for TDF board of directors


Here is my feedback after having read the document:

The overall format is fine, however, the title format should be the same throughout. In EN, titles are usually capitalized and should follow these conventional rules[1] -- ALL section titles should be checked to follow these rules.

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Processes -> "3. The rules of procedure can enter into effect earliest after approval by the board accord ..."

Suggestion: "The rules of procedure can enter into effect at the earliest time after approval by the board ..."

Reason: I believe your are attempting to use earliest as an adjective (superlative) and adjectives are usually not used by themselves. Other options could be "at the earliest convenience". No need to use accord as approval has already established that the board has agreed to this.

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* The rules of procedure must not conflict with TDF statutes. In such cases, the conflicting parts are overridden by whatever is mandated by the statutes.

Suggestion: "In such cases, the conflicting parts are overridden by the corresponding statutes."

Reason: Statutes by definition are normally mandated, there is no need to state the obvious as it becomes redundant.

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* Capitalize title by EN convention

Decision Making and Responsibilities

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Basic principle - all members of the board of directors participate in all board matters by voting. As such, the principle of joint management is maintained.

Suggest: "Basic principle - All members of the board of directors participate in all board matters by voting. As such, the principle of joint management is maintained."

or

my preference: "Basic principle - All members of the board of directors participate in all board matters by voting, and, as such, the principle of joint management is maintained."

Reason: Capitalize the "All", my preference -- just being picky, but would seem to suit best the first exclamatory statement.

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"Internally, the board has decided on the following split of responsibilities:"

Suggest: Replace "split" to "division" as this more translatable and less of an EN coloquialism.

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"For decisions affecting daily operations, and if the vote happens electronically via email, for values of less than € 500, or an equivalent contractual liability, not answering in the vote thread for longer than 2 business days (for reasons including absence and illness) counts towards approval."

Suggest: "Where a vote is conducted via email, and, where votes are left unanswered in the corresponding thread for a period exceeding 2 business days (for reasons including those of absence and illness), unanswered votes will count towards an approval. This applies for decisions affecting the daily operations, or, of requests to the board where the amount concerned is of less than € 500, or, of requests to the board that are of an equivalent contractual liability."

Reason: Run on sentence that needs to be reformed.

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"By simple majority, the board can delegate tasks"

Suggest: "The board can delegate tasks by simple majority."

Reason: Not sure why the sentence was broken up in the first place. As both halves of the sentence seem just as important, the sentence should then be put back in the right order in order to make it a clear and "to-the-point" statement.

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"Those delegated tasks may have a budget assigned."

Suggest: "Those delegated tasks may have an assigned budget."

Reason: Dangling participle makes the sentence confusing. Sentence also needs a period.

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"Delegated tasks have mandatory reporting and disclosure requirements towards the board, including disposition of funds, and achievement of objectives."

Suggest: "Members, who have been delegated tasks, may have mandatory reporting and disclosure requirements, reporting of the disposition of funds (where applicable), and, reporting of the achievement of task objectives. These are to be reported to the board"

Reason: "towards" makes the sentence confusing. Breaking up the list of obligations also lends itself to confusion.

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Section 4. introduces a new word "director" which has not been defined in the document. What does "director" define or her/his obligations?

Suggest: The "director" title should be defined in a prior section somewhere.

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"It is the sole discretion of the board to setup committees, tasked to prepare decisions for the board. Committees can only advise, the ultimate decision authority and responsibility lies with the board."

Suggest: "The ultimate "decision authority" and the ownership of the responsibility of delegated tasks remain with the board. Committees may be tasked as advisory groups but remain subordinate to board authority and of its decision making process."

Reason: Original sentence is choppy.

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"The board will contract, or alternatively hire if more economical/practical, resources for professional, secure, and timely maintenance of TDF's central IT infrastructure. The board acknowledges that TDF's virtual presence and web pages are one of its most valuable assets, and thus are worthy of focused investment to complement the sysadmin community's great work."

Suggest: "The board may contract or hire professional resource help in order to assure a well secured and maintained central IT infrastructure. The board acknowledges that the virtual presence and web pages of TDF are one of its most valuable assets, and thus, are worthy of focused investment to complement the contribution of the sysadmin community."

Reason: Not sure if "will" was intentional, as it suggests that the board is in the process of hiring individuals rather than "may" which suggests options. Second half of paragraph -- avoid contractions as much as possible.

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Capitalize title:

Validity and Entry Into Force

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"should one or more items of these rules of procedure turn out to be invalid, in collision with the statutes, German law, or otherwise not applicable, all other items will remain in effect."

Suggest: "Should one or more items of these rules of procedure prove invalid, in contravention with the statutes, in contravention with German law, or otherwise not applicable, all other items will remain in effect."

Reason: "turn out to be" is a colloquialism that is best avoided. "in collision", I believe is meant to mean "in contravention" and ibid to "German law".

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Thanks for reading over these suggestions.

Cheers,

Marc


[1] http://www.writersblock.ca/tips/monthtip/tipmar98.htm


--
Marc Paré
Marc@MarcPare.com
http://www.parEntreprise.com
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